When I talk to people about my past I always refer to the times as either before or after I “changed”, and this change was when I drop nearly 100lbs and discovered a WHOLE new lease on life; which took place between Fall 07 – Winter 08.
I lost it, and didn’t realize it. I started working for H&M in October 2005, and I was super-chunky….lol, and what scared me was that my boss at the time (temp store manager from NYC) told us when we were hired, “If you don’t stay fit, or lost weight, you are NOT doing your job properly, and I’ll fire you!” She was mean, but she was right!
……so yea…….I ended up dropping from a size 18 down to a size 4/6 and just shy of 100lbs total.
To me, it was a miracle! I had finally achieved what everyone said I wouldn’t and got I wanted more than anything else in life, and almost more than life itself.
…..More than money, more than fancy things, more than air to breath….I wanted to be healthy and I wanted to be beautiful (not perfect, but pretty). I wanted a beautiful body, and after a little over a year, I finally had it.
I BECAME STUNNING….I turned into exactly what I had imagined myself as….ever since I was little, and I would get beat up…I always held on to this physical fixation about myself. I ultimately achieved the “impossible”, and the reaction from the public was overwhelming….almost to a fault.
This is where I found out that the grass isn’t always greener, and this was showing true in some aspects of my new “life”
The first thing I noticed was it was not difficult to get attention from really anybody. This was polar opposite from what I had been used to. I would go walking down the street and have random cars pull over and ask if I needed anything. I would always just smile, giggle, and decline, then go about my business. Before, people would go out of their way just to avoid me. It was just so different…I almost didn’t know how to handle it.
The part I loved the most (besides knowing I was healthy) was that I NO LONGER HAD TO WORRY ABOUT MY LOOKS! It was no longer on my mind. I no longer had to wonder if someone didn’t like me because of my weight….I knew that if they didn’t like me, it was because they didn’t like my personality. Which for me, was waaaayyy easier to accept than “oh you’re just too fat” LOL — Twisted, but true.
When I “changed” I didn’t just change physically, but my outlook on the world around me changed along with it. Mostly good, but some bad. One of the bad aspects was when I had truly realized HOW MUCH IMPORTANCE is placed on appearances. How I dressed & presented myself would dictate how people I interacted with treated me in return. Not a favorite trait from our society, but if you can’t beat em, join em.
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